Learning to Trust the Slow Work of Healing

By Dylan Verdun Sullivan
As I wrote extensively in my last post my heart for today was to pray and take time to appreciate the work in Refined by Fire Press.
I feel to write about what the Lord is putting on my heart for the weekend.
Something I have been struggling with—trust in the areas of emotional healing.
These are not distant concepts to me.
They are not topics I can approach from a place of detachment or theory.
They are present. They are lived. They are, at times, overwhelming.
And yet, they are also the place where something deeper is happening.
The Tension I’m Sitting In
There is a tension I’ve been feeling lately.
On one hand, I can see growth in my life.
I can see change.
I can see movement forward in ways that I once prayed for.
But on the other hand, there are still moments—unexpected, uninvited moments—where my mind returns to old patterns.
Old thoughts.
Old fears.
Old reactions that seem to rise up before I even have time to process them.
And in those moments, I find myself asking:
Why is this still here?
Why does this still affect me?
Why does healing not feel complete?
The Reality of Emotional Healing
What I’m beginning to understand is that emotional healing is not as immediate as we sometimes expect it to be.
It doesn’t always happen in a single moment.
It doesn’t always feel dramatic.
And it doesn’t always follow a straight line.
Sometimes it is slow.
Sometimes it is layered.
Sometimes it feels like progress… and then suddenly, like regression.
But maybe what feels like regression is not actually going backwards.
Maybe it is something being brought to the surface that was always there—waiting to be addressed.
Anxiety and the Body
One of the things I’ve been wrestling with is how deeply anxiety is not just in the mind, but in the body.
It’s in the nervous system.
It’s in the way the body responds before the mind has even caught up.
There are moments where everything externally is fine, and yet internally, something feels unsettled.
A tightness.
A restlessness.
A sense that something is not right, even when nothing is wrong.
And that’s difficult to explain.
Because from the outside, it can look like everything is okay.
But internally, there is a different reality.
Depression and Weight
Depression is different.
It’s not always loud.
It’s not always obvious.
Sometimes it is quiet.
Heavy.
Subtle.
A kind of weight that sits beneath everything.
It doesn’t always remove your ability to function.
But it changes the way things feel.
The colour of life shifts slightly.
The energy required to do simple things increases.
And even moments that should feel light can carry a shadow.
Negative Mental Programming
This is something I’ve been becoming more aware of.
The patterns of thought that were formed over years.
The internal dialogue that runs automatically.
The beliefs that were built—not intentionally—but through experience, environment, and repetition.
Thoughts like:
You’re not enough.
You’ll always struggle.
This is just who you are.
And even when I know these thoughts are not true, they can still appear.
Not as something I choose.
But as something that has been programmed over time.
The Struggle with Trust
And this is where the real struggle has been.
Trust.
Not trust in a general sense.
But trust in the process of healing.
Trust that change is actually happening.
Trust that what I cannot see clearly is still being worked on.
Because when healing is slow…
When patterns still show up…
When progress feels inconsistent…
It becomes easy to question everything.
The Desire for Immediate Change
If I’m honest, there is a part of me that wants healing to be immediate.
Clear.
Complete.
A moment where everything shifts, and the struggle is gone.
No more anxiety.
No more heaviness.
No more intrusive thoughts.
Just peace.
And while there are moments of peace—real, grounded, steady peace—it is not always constant.
And that can be difficult to accept.
The Quiet Work Beneath the Surface
But as I’ve been sitting with this, something has been shifting in the way I see it.
What if healing is not always something that happens suddenly?
What if it is something that is being formed slowly, beneath the surface?
Like something being refined.
Not in a way that is rushed.
But in a way that is intentional.
Layer by layer.
Moment by moment.
Day by day.
Learning to Stay Present
One of the things I’ve been trying to do is stay present in the process.
Not jumping ahead.
Not trying to force an outcome.
But sitting in where I am.
Even when it’s uncomfortable.
Even when it doesn’t make sense.
Because there is something about staying present that allows things to unfold naturally.
The Mind and the Past
I’ve noticed that many of the thoughts that surface are connected to the past.
Experiences.
Memories.
Moments that left an imprint.
And even though time has passed, those imprints can still influence how the mind reacts in the present.
Which means that healing is not just about moving forward.
It’s also about understanding what has been carried.
The Body Remembering
There’s also something I’ve been becoming more aware of.
The body remembers.
Even when the mind has processed something, the body can still carry the response.
Which means that healing is not just mental.
It’s physical.
It’s emotional.
It’s layered.
And it takes time.
The Importance of Patience
This is something I’m still learning.
Patience.
Not passive waiting.
But active patience.
A willingness to stay in the process without needing immediate results.
A willingness to trust that something is happening even when I cannot fully see it.
Not Everything Is Linear
If there’s one thing I’m starting to understand, it’s this:
Healing is not linear.
It doesn’t move in a straight line from broken to whole.
It moves in cycles.
In layers.
In moments of clarity followed by moments of struggle.
And that doesn’t mean something is wrong.
It might actually mean something is being worked on.
Holding Both Realities
Right now, I find myself holding two realities at once.
Growth and struggle.
Peace… and tension.
Progress… and questions.
And maybe that’s part of the process.
Not choosing one over the other.
But allowing both to exist without assuming that one cancels out the other.
A Step Toward Healing
In the middle of all of this, I’ve made a decision that feels both significant and necessary.
I have booked in to undergo professional mental health support from trained professionals for underlying trauma.
Not as a last resort.
Not as a sign of failure.
But as an intentional step toward healing.
Because I am beginning to understand that some things need to be worked through with care, with guidance, and with the right support.
And this is part of that process.
At the same time, I am learning in this season to fully surrender this area of my life to Jesus and press into the life, death, and resurrection of Christ.
Not as an escape from reality.
But as the place where I bring everything honestly.
The anxiety.
The heaviness.
The patterns I don’t fully understand.
Holding both of these together—the practical step of seeking help, and the spiritual posture of surrender—feels like where I am right now.
Not perfectly balanced.
But real.

The Weekend Reflection
As I sit in this weekend, reflecting, praying, and thinking about everything that is unfolding—not just in Refined by Fire Press, but internally—I realise something.
This is not separate.
The work I am doing externally is connected to what is happening internally.
The same themes.
The same process.
Refinement.

Closing Thought
I don’t have a perfect conclusion for this.
I don’t have a moment where everything suddenly resolves.
What I have is awareness.
An awareness that healing is happening—even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
An awareness that the process is slower than I would like—but not absent.
And maybe that’s enough for now.
To stay present.
To remain open.
To continue moving forward, even when the path feels unclear.
And to learn, slowly, what it means to trust the process of healing—even in the areas that are still tender, still forming, and still being worked on.

About the Author

Dylan Verdun Sullivan is the founder of Refined by Fire Press and an Australian author indexed in the National Library. As a Level 7 Local Guide with over 1.2M views on Google Maps, he documents the intersection of faith, recovery, and the "light in the mundane."

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